Fondue for Two
by gleekilicious
Summary: Brittany hosts the next episode of Fondue for Two, her internet talk show, with Kurt and Blaine as her guests! Pointless, plotless little bit of humour and fluff. Oneshot.


"Have you seen this?" Kurt asked, slightly out of breath as he stepped up beside Blaine at their lockers, waving the pink slip of paper in his boyfriend's face.

"Yup. Fondue for Two, right? With Brittany, for tonight?" he grinned, leaning up to press a quick kiss to Kurt's cheek. Kurt smiled, his hand sliding down Blaine's arm to link their fingers together.

"Bingo. So... Are we going to go?"

"Of course we are, silly," Blaine grinned. "It'll be fun! Brittany's fun." Kurt rolled his eyes but nodded, flipping out his phone to text Brittany a reply.

"You only find her fun because you write those weird musicals about rainbow unicorns taking over Russia."

"Don't complain," Blaine grinned, tugging Kurt away and down the hall to their last class of the day. "We gave you Queen Sparkle-Shimmer-Mane's part."

"Oh. The endless joy."

xxx xxx xxx

"Hi. I'm Brittany S. Pierce, and this is my new internet talk show, Fondue for Two, which combines the two things I like the most. Hot cheese, and talking to people."

"I don't actually have to eat the cheese, right?" Kurt whispered to Blaine, who was already spearing bread on the little fondue fork and leaning in with a big grin on his face as Brittany sat down.

"My second two guests are the school's Gay Couple, Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson." Kurt waved, pulling a small smile as he crossed his legs, hands falling firmly back onto his knees as Blaine mumbled a 'hi!', mouth already full of cheese. Kurt tisked softly as Brittany leaned in to help herself too. "Okay, so, let's get to the gossip."

"Oh," Kurt said, clasping his hands together and smiling. "I have something _priceless_." The two turned to look at him, cheeks bulging comically. "You know Strando, on the football team? Big, dumb, blonde. Asshole."

"Mmn, hmrgh! Mgh-"

"-Brittany, we can't understand you," Kurt said gently. "Anyway. He fell asleep in Math this morning, and _promptly _had an 'inappropriate' dream."

"_No,_" Blaine gasped, spearing more bread. "How did I not hear about this?"

"I have no idea," Kurt smirked, "seeing as his dream was about a certain Coach Sylvester." There was a second of silence before both Blaine and Brittany burst into laughter, Kurt grinning as he took a little of the raw carrot there. Without the cheese.

"Well I heard that Mr. Wesly was caught looking at pornography on his iPhone in a lesson he was meant to be teaching," Blaine said around a mouthful of bread, Kurt snickering as he shook his head.

"That's _old_ news, Blaine, he's infamous for that."

"It's okay," Brittany said, touching Blaine's shoulder and smiling. "You're new here."

"I've been here for a few months," Blaine grumbled, though he smiled at Brittany who was helping herself to raw broccoli and cheese.

"Yes," Kurt said drily, "but you're also painfully trusting. Like that time when Sam saved you from Mr. Ryerson when he asked you to help him with costumes for some crappy play he conned Rachel into being the lead for. Again."

"There was nothing sinister about that...!"

"Blaine. He wanted to try costumes on you. After school. In the tiny costume department. Alone."

"Maybe he just likes Blaine," Brittany smiled, Blaine rolling his eyes as Kurt shot him a look that clearly said 'see? Even Brittany thought it was weird'. Suddenly Kurt jumped.

"Oh my god, Brittany, what the hell is _that_?" Brittany turned to look before beaming, reaching down and picking up the huge, fat cat that had waddled its way into the room.

"Ah! Lord Tubbington!" Brittany picked up the huge ball of meowing fur, hugging the poor thing close and kissing its face. "He was on a diet but then he ate all my icecream."

"... Brittany, cats are lactose intolerant, they can't-... Don't give it cheese, they're-! Blaine...!" Kurt finished helplessly as the cat shoved its head in the fondue. Blaine simply slowly put down his fork, swallowing and looking a bit ill.

"Um, Brittany... I don't think cats are meant to eat cheese..."

"Lord Tubbington only eats human food." Blaine looked helplessly to Kurt, who simply grimaced, leaning over to whisper in his boyfriend's ear.

"You are brushing your teeth at least twice before I kiss you."

"... Got it..." Blaine murmured, watching as Brittany wrapped up the second 'episode' of Fondue for Two.

Xxx xxx xx

This is just a tiny thing I tapped out in 30 minutes while studying for my french exam on friday! I set it so that Blaine was at McKinley, even though I know he's not. That's purely artistic license! Please check out my other fics, and if you have a Tumblr account, my url is the same as my name here, gleekilicious.


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